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#AskHaj: "I think we might be friends with benefits?"

#AskHaj: "I think we might be friends with benefits?"

Dear Haj,

So I met this guy at work a couple months ago, we've always been working in the same building but didn't cross paths till an elevator encounter back in June. We started talking and seeing each other more often for casual dates. By the third date I had the talk with him about whether we were exclusive or not, I wasn't about to make things official but I also wanted some reassurance that this was going to head in the direction of possibly something long-term. I mean it was simple. I liked him, he said he liked me and we both expressed our concerns of how we didn't want any temporary flings. Fast forward to now, nearly 4 months later and he still hasn't made me his girlfriend? How much time do I need to give this man? How long does it really take for someone to get to know another person and to make the decision as to whether they are or aren't in a relationship with them? I don't want to just be this girl that is still dating this guy. What label do I give it? At this point it just feels like a friends with benefit cycle. Please help!!


I think we might be friends with benefits

Dear I think we might be friends with benefits,

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear that you're in this vicious cycle of ambiguity with this guy that you're dating. Not knowing where a romantic relationship can lead to has two lethal downfalls: questioning whether you should be together and drawing expectations. I think it's incredibly important for you to have a chat with him. Open communication is key to any relationship (not just romantic ones!). Choose a quiet place to chat and lay it out flat, simply ask him what significance he gives you in his life? If he says he's unsure then express your concern of how you're unsure of where things are going and that you don't want to be pulled along for too long only to find yourself breaking up. It's a valid concern. And while you have all the rights to question him, don't forget that he, too, is only human. Maybe he has had experiences in which he's hesitant of making things official? Maybe he's got something else going on in his life that he can't share with you for whatever reason? Bottom line, cut the guy some slack - but not too much. Good things take time, and as for labels...don't even bat an eye at that. Those are just societal name-tags. Every relationship is different so enjoy his company and everything else that you like about him and see where things go. Tomorrow is unknown and yet to come so why worry about a problem that has not begun?

Good luck my love. 

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The North American Pakistani

The North American Pakistani