#AskHaj: "Let's get one thing straight - I'm not"
"I wanted to write to you in hopes that maybe I can get some kind of reassurance or hope for the situation I'm in. I recently got engaged to a guy who my parents found for me. We spoke to one another before the engagement - he's very sweet, kind, genuine and hardworking. My only issue is that I am having a hard time finding myself 'romantically attracted' to him. I can't even put myself together to even type out to you why I don't find him attractive because I feel so ashamed and gross about it. To put it bluntly, I am not straight. I hate it. My parents are very religious Pakistani's and I love them dearly. I just don't know how I find myself being so strongly attracted to girls and not guys. I haven't told anyone yet - except you. I just want to live normally. I would never be able to have a relationship with a girl because it's next to impossible. My parents would never allow and I would never want to go behind their backs and hurt them. I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm closed inside a box with absolutely no light. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. "
- Let's get one thing straight - I'm not
Dear Let's get one thing straight - I'm not,
My love, let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with you. You must stop feeding yourself the concept that you are wrong, incorrect or abnormal for loving someone. You're different, and believe it or not, whatever you define "normality" to be is completely non-existent. We're all different in our own ways, some more than others, but surely there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Now, I can't really tell you what to do as I don't have all details of your situation, but from what I see, the first thing you should consider is telling your fiance how you feel about him. If you have no attraction to him and are not comfortable with being in any kind of romantic relationship with him...then he needs to know ASAP. It's better if he knows now and that you two can come to conclusion with how you want to continue/end this relationship. I understand that you must be really struggling with your orientation and the conflict between culture and religion. Especially to keep it all to yourself. Perhaps you can speak to a close family member or friend to see how your family will actually react rather than making assumptions. Believe me, Pakistani parents seem predictable but I have seen situations in which reconciliation between homosexual children and homophobic parents is achieved. Please don't feel pressured to make decisions based on societal rulings. There may be no light in that box of yours but rest assured that you can always carve your way out with just a little bit of hope and a lot of courage. I'm an email away if you need me for any further help. ♥
*Note: It's worth mentioning here since an open audience will read this, I sent her some external links and contact information for a support center in her geographic area. Since then, I've received word from her that she's seeing someone for guidance and has told a close family friend about her position. Quote "I haven't told my parents but I have managed to find help and things are getting better, slowly but surely. Thank you so much Hajira".
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